The Silent Suspect Page 6

  Really? she asked, an amused frown on her face. Ever since Christmas he’s been making little comments about how nice it would be if you didn’t have to keep going between his flat and here, or how he’d like to share more things with you. And that’s just what he’s said in front of me. Surely in private he’s floated the idea before now?

  I sat with my mouth open for a moment. Was Anna right? Had this been coming for a while now and I hadn’t noticed? I shook my head.

  No, he hasn’t said anything about living together. I would have noticed.

  She raised an eyebrow. Would you? You’ve spent quite a while sticking your head in the sand in the last year or so.

  What’s that supposed to mean? I asked, trying not to get wound up.

  I mean you put the brakes on at the beginning of your relationship with Max, because you were scared. And that’s understandable, because you hadn’t been with anyone since Mike, and that ended very badly. But even after you saw Mike again and stood up to him, you didn’t take on board how much you’ve changed. If you had, you probably would have moved in with Max ages ago.

  I stopped myself from replying and tried to think about what she’d said. The first half was certainly correct – following a relationship that had been both emotionally and financially abusive, it had taken me a long time to trust anyone again, but being with Max had helped me to break down those barriers. And seeing Mike again last year had served to highlight the differences in the two relationships.

  That was where my version differed from Anna’s, however. In the last few months I’d really felt like I was as open with Max as I could have been, and for the first time in a long time I felt like my old self again. He cared about things that were important to me, and as a result I was finding joy in my old interests again, even when I wasn’t with him. I’d worked hard to save money and pay off the last of the debts Mike had left me with, and I could finally see the light at the end of the tunnel with regard to my financial situation. Being with Max had possibly served to make me more independent and resilient, enjoying our relationship but still growing as an individual rather than defining myself as one half of a couple. I thought it was positive; I thought it was healthy. But now everything was going to change.

  It wasn’t that I didn’t want some of the things that come with a more serious relationship, including sharing a home and maybe more, but I just couldn’t picture having that with Max. I tried to explain this to Anna but I found myself going round in circles, tying my ideas in knots, until she held up a hand and asked me to stop.

  Paige, do you want to move in with him? she asked, once again looking me in the eyes. I tried to hold her gaze but I felt uncomfortable with the scrutiny and soon looked away.

  I don’t know. I like things as they are.

  Everything changes, though, she told me. Nothing in life ever stays the same. Where do you see yourself in the future? Do you want the marriage and babies thing? Because I’m pretty sure Max does, and if you don’t see yourself going down that path you need to have a conversation with him about it pretty soon.

  He’s asked me to move in with him, Anna. He hasn’t proposed; he hasn’t mentioned having kids. Don’t get ahead of yourself.

  She sat back and narrowed her eyes at me. Okay. If it’s only about living together, and not about the potential future path that puts you on, what are you worried about? You know by now that he’s not going to treat you like Mike did. And you know Gem and I have been watching him like hawks.

  I couldn’t help but laugh at this. Gem was my best friend, and she and Anna were the ones who helped to get Mike out of my life for good. I knew they’d made things difficult for Max, because they had such high standards, but they had both warmed to him over time. Sometimes I thought Gem liked him more than I did, not that she’d ever admit to it.

  The two of us sat in silence for a few moments. Part of me was starting to regret telling Anna about this, but I knew she was only asking the obvious questions. It wasn’t her fault that I wanted to avoid them. Maybe she was right, and I would have preferred to stick my head in the sand and ignore the possibility of taking my relationship with Max further.

  I don’t really think about the future, I admitted, after a moment to get my thoughts together. I’ve been so focused on building up my reputation as an interpreter, paying off my debts, and just getting by, that I haven’t ever really stopped and thought about what I want next. Does that make sense?

  She leant forward and squeezed my hand. So you have been thinking about the future, she pointed out. You’ve been building up a solid career, and you told me you’d like to start teaching BSL. That’s all future planning, Paige, you just haven’t mentally included Max in that future. But now he’s forced your hand, and you’re going to have to think about what you want. I’m sure he’s happy to wait for an answer, but don’t make him wait too long.

  I sighed. I know. Okay, I’ll think about it. But the whole prospect of it scares me.

  You can move in with him without selling this place, she replied. I can take over paying the mortgage, so if things don’t work out with Max you can just come straight back. It’s a commitment, but that doesn’t have to mean it’s forever.

  You’re right, I know. It was my turn to squeeze her hand. Thank you.

  It’s what I’m here for. But I do want to ask something, she signed, sitting back and giving me a mischievous smile. Did you see DS Singh today?

  I felt my face colour slightly and looked away in an attempt to hide it. I did, actually. Why?

  I just wondered if that might have influenced your indecision over moving in with Max.

  What’s that supposed to mean?

  She laughed. Oh, come on, Paige! You fancy Singh. And I know you, you feel like you can’t move in with your boyfriend if you feel like that about another man.

  Don’t be ridiculous, I began, but she laughed even harder, and the more I tried to deny it the worse it got. Anna had dropped hints about Singh in the past, but I had thought it was just because she found him attractive herself, not because she thought I genuinely liked him. I had been aware of my own feelings for him for a while, but every time the thought floated into my mind I pushed it out again quickly. But now Anna was teasing me about it, I worried that my feelings had been more obvious than I’d realised. Had Max noticed? Had Rav? I squirmed with embarrassment at the thought, but now Anna had directly accused me I knew I couldn’t keep denying it.

  Okay, fine! I gave in. I might fancy Singh. Is that better? Are you happy now I’ve admitted it?

  Anna stared at me for a moment, then punched the air. Yes! You finally said it! I thought you’d never confess.

  Look, it’s no big deal, I told her. I mean, he’s a nice guy and yes, I find him attractive, but I’m with Max.

  But you still don’t want to move in with Max, because you have feelings for Singh. She waggled her eyebrows at me expressively.

  No, I replied, trying to stay calm and not rise to her bait. I just don’t know if I’m ready for that step yet.

  Paige, you’re my sister. I know you better than anyone else, and I know there’s a part of you that feels guilty for fancying Singh when you’re in a relationship. And that guilt will be part of what’s holding you back from moving in with Max. I started to reply but she cut me off. No, I haven’t finished. It’s normal to have crushes, Paige. Nobody expects you to never be attracted to anyone else ever again. That’s not how human beings work.

  I promise you, Anna, that’s not the issue. I don’t feel guilty about it, I lied.

  Okay, if you don’t feel guilty, what is it? Is it that you think you made a mistake? Do you want to break up with Max and go out with Singh? Because if that’s the case, you need to do it now to avoid hurting Max too much.

  I flexed my hands for a moment in a sign language equivalent of spluttering, until I realised what I was doing and stopped. Looking down at the table, I thought about my sister’s probing words. On some level, she was right. Even after a y
ear with Max, I wondered if he was the man I really wanted to be with. Until now, I was able to just carry on with our relationship, having a bit of emotional denial when I saw Singh a few months ago, but it was possible to ignore it. If I committed to Max, however, I would have to be certain it was what I wanted.

  I told Anna as much. You’re right. I don’t know what I want. That’s why I’m wound up about Max asking me to move in with him.

  She moved round to my side of the table and gave me a big hug. I know. I’ve always known. You can’t hide it from me. And whatever you decide, it’s okay, but you do need to make a decision now.

  Ugh. I buried my head in my arms for a moment, before looking back up at her. I hate this.

  I know. But now you know what the real issue is, you can start thinking about what you’re going to say to Max.

  I nodded, knowing she was right, but also knowing it wasn’t that easy.

  Eight hours before the fire

  Nadia took a deep, shuddering breath then let it out again slowly. The office appeared to be empty, so she could take a couple of minutes to steady herself. It was getting too much; the situation was out of hand and she needed to do something about it once and for all. Even coming into work was starting to make her feel panicky.

  She was there to pick up her copy of the next week’s rota after handing in her time sheet, and she scanned it to see which clients she was working with. As a carer, she knew she shouldn’t have favourites, and she tried to treat all of them the same, but she still had a soft spot for certain people.

  With a sigh, she realised the situation was the same as it had been last week. She’d been given completely new clients, and none of her regulars. It wasn’t fair! Why should she have to change her working pattern? Any mistakes she’d made recently were to do with who she’d trusted, not what she’d done.

  Feeling frustrated tears welling up behind her eyes, she left the office and went straight to the toilets, locking herself in a cubicle. She would only let herself cry when she was sure nobody was around, and if anyone else came into the office she couldn’t bear them seeing.

  After a few minutes, she knew she needed to get moving. She wanted to get home and do some housework, knowing everything would have been left in a terrible state again. Unlocking the door, she went to the sink and splashed some cold water on her face, then looked at her reflection. What was she doing? How had she got herself into this mess? Lukas didn’t even know all of it. She should tell him, but what if he didn’t agree with her about how to handle it?

  She felt a tap on her shoulder and saw another face in the mirror, making her jump.

  ‘Karen! I didn’t hear you come in.’

  ‘Are you okay?’ the other carer asked, concern on her face. She manoeuvred herself into the light so Nadia could read her lips clearly, before repeating her question.

  For a moment, Nadia tried to maintain her composure, but when confronted with Karen’s concern, she felt the tears begin to well up behind her eyes.

  ‘No,’ she replied, shaking her head. ‘No, I’m not.’

  Chapter 8

  Thursday 18th April

  I didn’t work for Sasha on a Thursday, so I had another interpreting job booked for the morning. It was a training course for an educational outreach company, and they had a couple of deaf teachers attending. Interesting as I found it, especially as it was so different from my usual fare – social work meetings, medical appointments, occasional school events – I found myself drifting a few times during the morning. I couldn’t stop thinking about Lukas, and the strange chain of events that had occurred in the last couple of days.

  When I thought back to the heat of the fire, I felt my pulse increase and a shot of adrenaline burst into my veins. Just the memory of it was enough to put me back into survival mode, so I could only imagine how Lukas had felt. I knew I hadn’t imagined it – he was terrified, and when he realised Nadia was dead I felt like I saw his world crumble in slow motion. So why wouldn’t he communicate with the police?

  I knew Sasha was keen to keep me involved with this case, especially as I’d been there with Lukas as it happened, but I was reluctant. I’d told Singh I wouldn’t get involved, and I meant it; I didn’t want to get entangled in this. The last thing I wanted to do was make Singh mad at me, and not just because I’d finally admitted to myself that I had feelings for him.

  The training had been in a small town on the banks of the Humber, about half an hour from Scunthorpe. Just before I got back in my car after my morning job, I received a phone call. Glancing at the display, I could see it was Sasha, so I pulled up and answered it.

  Hi Paige, she signed as soon as her face popped up on my phone screen. Are you busy?

  I’ve just left a job, I told her, wondering what she wanted.

  Do you fancy meeting for lunch? I’ve got some stuff I’d like to talk to you about?

  I was wary, but I agreed. I’m in Barton at the moment.

  That’s great. I’m not far away.

  We agreed a meeting place and I set off through to the other side of Barton-upon-Humber. She’d asked me to meet her in the cafe at the nature reserve on the edge of the estuary, and I arrived before her. Choosing a seat next to the window, I looked out over the reeds and ponds. A couple of mums with young kids were feeding the ducks, toddlers clinging tightly to paper bags of seed bought at the entrance to the visitor centre, as various waterfowl converged on the area where some of the food had hit the water. My mind suddenly jumped to Max – was he thinking about this sort of future for us? If I moved in with him, would I be here in a few years, feeding the ducks with my own children? Part of me could see it, but part of the picture still felt wrong. It wasn’t that I didn’t want a family of my own, because I’d thought about it. No matter how many times I tried to imagine it, I just couldn’t see myself having that future with Max.

  I sat like that for about ten minutes, before I became aware of Sasha bustling over to my table. She was dressed in denim dungarees and a retro tie-dyed T-shirt, her curly blonde hair spilling over her shoulders. Sasha was always distinctive, however she dressed, but I sometimes got the feeling she did her best to stand out, as if she was daring the world to challenge her.

  Hi, sorry I’m late, she signed, pulling up a chair and sitting down.

  Aren’t you working today? I asked.

  She shook her head. I took a day off. I wanted to try and get my head round what’s happened and work out how I can help Lukas.

  How’s he doing? I asked her, getting straight to the point.

  She shook her head and grimaced. I don’t know, I haven’t heard anything today. Have you?

  No, I replied. If they’ve interviewed him at all, they’ve used a different interpreter. Singh had been clear yesterday that I couldn’t be involved with the case going forward, and I’d accepted that. I would have to make sure I stayed in touch with Singh, though, so they didn’t forget about me. I really valued my work with the police and I didn’t like the idea of being passed over in favour of someone else, but hopefully if they needed a BSL interpreter again in future I’d still be their first choice. I certainly hoped I’d be Singh’s first choice, anyway, and I resented the idea of another interpreter coming in and potentially taking over my territory.

  Sasha frowned and tapped the table while she thought about Lukas and how to proceed. It’s a difficult situation, because I can’t insist on seeing him, unless I have evidence that his welfare is being compromised.

  Well, if he’s not had access to anyone who can communicate with him, surely that’s compromising his welfare? Being isolated due to a language barrier is bad for his mental health.

  You’re right, she replied with a firm nod. We’ll use that as a way in. Of course, that’s if he’ll agree to see me. Sasha’s face fell, and she looked genuinely upset that her client wouldn’t turn to her for support when he needed it. I’m not his lawyer; I don’t think I can just march in there and demand to see him.

  What about w
ith his history of mental illness? I offered. Surely that’s another angle you could use. It’s important that someone is monitoring his mental health, and ideally that should be someone who knows him and can communicate with him in his first language.

  She beamed at me. I knew there was a reason I hired you.

  We both laughed. This was Sasha’s usual response when I offered a useful suggestion. She hadn’t hired me personally – we both worked for the local authority – but she’d recommended I apply for the position when it became vacant, and I’m sure she influenced the interview panel. After all, I was her interpreter and we had to spend a lot of time together; it was only right that she got a say in who was hired.

  Right, Sasha continued. Now you’ve had time to think about it overnight, do you think he did it?

  I was a little surprised by the direct question, but I responded immediately.

  I’m not certain about anything, but now I don’t think so. I didn’t mention to Sasha that I’d been concerned that Lukas had been trying to manipulate me; I didn’t see the point in possibly antagonising her, especially now I didn’t think it was likely.

  I saw him that night, Sasha, I continued. I saw the fear and devastation when he realised Nadia was dead. There’s no way he’s that good an actor. I felt a little reluctant to tell her this, knowing she might try and use it to get me further involved than I would like, but I didn’t feel I could lie to her.

  I know you say you don’t want to get involved, Sasha signed, her expression earnest, but I would still appreciate your advice. You’ve spent time with Lukas, and you know the detectives involved with this case.

  After a moment of thought, I nodded slowly. Okay, I told her. But I’m going to be honest with you if I think something isn’t right, or you need to go to the police.

  That’s all I can ask, she replied, sitting back and looking a little relieved. I have an idea of where to start looking, if we want to find out who really killed Nadia. Lukas was having some money problems. I don’t know the full extent, because there’s only so much we can get clients to discuss with us, but I know he borrowed some money, and that the person he borrowed it from wasn’t exactly legitimate.